I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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