after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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