I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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