Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
