you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
