My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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