My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
