Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
