Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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