my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
