i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
