Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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