legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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