the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
