do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
