Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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