Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
