I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your penis caused this!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
