I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
