wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
