I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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