What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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