Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
