it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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