I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
