Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
