hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize