If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
