all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
