Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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