How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
