just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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