I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
