i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
