So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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