Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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