umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im holly from the hills drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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