she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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