Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
