is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
