After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
