can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
