he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
