Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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