beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
