well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
