I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
