I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
