Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
