this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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