Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
